Forewarning, my column this week might (most likely will) strike a nerve or two. But hey, that’s okay, I encourage differentiating opinions and look forward to reading them. So, here goes…
My three girls have no right to privacy in my house.
The reason I felt led to discuss the topic of privacy is because my oldest has been dealing with some pre-teen drama recently (I won’t indulge you with the details, but we have all been there, so I am sure you can imagine). Well, I have made it known here multiple times before that I regularly check her phone, and I HIGHLY encourage other parents to do the same! She is well aware that I do this, also.
But yesterday, while she was at school, I decided to perform my weekly assessment and to my surprise she had changed her passcode…. uhm, excuse me?! So, of course I begin to question her as soon as she hops in the car that afternoon. I was delighted to discover that she didn’t do it to keep me out, but innocently changed it to a significant date, and just forgot to tell me. She had no issue with me looking through it after I was finally able to enter the correct passcode.
But I digress, I was filling a friend in on what happened, not with her friend drama, but about me not being able to get into her phone that day, and to my surprise (not really) my friend did not approve of me “invading my daughter’s privacy.”
I have been very clear with my stance on this subject and my children are very aware of it. Maybe saying they have no right to privacy in my home sounds harsh, but in my opinion it’s not a betrayal of trust. It’s parenting!
While they are under my roof, they do not get to keep secrets from me, point blank period.
You can have an opinion, my kids can have an opinion (I know I thought I deserved privacy growing up), but I don’t really care. I have one job when it comes to my kids and that is to make sure that they are safe, loved and basically that they don’t grow up to be entitled *expletive deleted*… (ok, that part may have been a little harsh, but it’s true!)
I am personally determined as a mother to know everything that goes on pertaining to my children. Now, I am not gullible enough to believe that I always will. They are kids, they will get away with keeping things from me every now and then, but that is exactly why I have to be an active parent. I cannot just trust that they aren’t ever doing anything wrong or trying to hide things from me just because they say so.
That’s not necessarily because I think my kids are liars or that they can’t be trusted and in instances that may be the case, but it is mainly because kids make dumb decisions. I am responsible for my kids and I love them dearly and that is exactly why they need us as parents to guide them and supervise them on a regular basis and to me, that means no privacy!
Not to mention there are so many kids we hear about on the news that are depressed and attempting to deal with things in private. When they finally convince themselves that they can’t deal with the pain any longer, they feel as if there is no other way out than to end their life. I am talking about kids in elementary school! I pray every night that this will never be my child, but I refuse to just stand by and hope my girls tell me everything that is bothering them.
I will never be the parent saying, “I had no idea she was feeling this way,” or “I had no clue she was going through this.” So, the phones, diaries, social media platforms, drawers, closets, and so on, will be mine to search. If you think that makes me a terrible mother… I really don’t care.